


From Grace to Heart

by Quantumcats



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Destiel - Freeform, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-13
Updated: 2013-04-13
Packaged: 2017-12-08 08:37:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/759347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quantumcats/pseuds/Quantumcats
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(Occurs somewhere around S5 or S6.)</p><p>Dean had always figured it was an Angel thing.   The long stares, the fascinated looks, the invasion of personal space.  He had figured that Cas just didn’t quite grasp social etiquette, and had learned to live with it.<br/>But maybe he was wrong all this time...</p>
            </blockquote>





	From Grace to Heart

Dean had always figured it was an Angel thing. The long stares, the fascinated looks, the invasion of personal space. He had figured that Cas just didn’t quite grasp social etiquette, and had learned to live with it.  
But maybe he was wrong all this time. Maybe it was more than that.  
Dean noticed over time that Cas never much acted this way around Sam, or Bobby. Just him. What made him so special?

And so here he was in another of those moments: Cas was seated across the table from Dean, just watching him as he worked his way through books of lore. He stared curiously, studying all that Dean was doing. It wasn’t much, but he made sure to witness every page turn, every scratch of an itch, every word Dean jotted down.  
Something seemed different this time though. Cas wasn’t all there. Dean looked up and saw the angel’s face. It looked…sad. That was impossible though. Cas hadn’t ever really smiled, much less cried. Emotion just didn’t really happen like that for angels. It was a human thing.  
“Cas?” Dean got his attention.  
“Yes, Dean?” Castiel still seemed distant. Dean felt as if Cas was looking through him, right past his eyes through the back of his head. It was as if the angel had just woken from slumber.  
“You alright?”  
“Of course.”  
“Are you sure?”  
“Dean, I am fine.”  
“Swear to God?”  
“Dean, I would prefer not to swear to my fath-“  
“Cas.”  
“What?”  
“C’mon. What’s got your feathers in a bunch?”  
“Nothing.” Cas replied. It wasn’t very reassuring.  
“Cas, c’mon.” Dean put down the book he had been reading and leaned forward to Castiel.  
“No, Dean. I can’t.” The angel responded sharply. He locked his eyes with Dean’s with a look of…was that… fear? Before Dean could even say another word, though, Castiel was gone.  
“Cas?” Dean looked around, but he was nowhere to be seen.

Dean saw nothing of Castiel for the rest of that day while he worked. Around 4 AM Dean decided to try and get some rest. He changed into a pair of comfy sweatpants and threw his shirt into the corner, flopping down onto the bed. He began to drift into sweet slumber.  
His eyes opened when he heard the soft flurry of feathers announcing the presence of an angel.  
“Dean.” Castiel stood in the doorway, shrouded by darkness. Only a few blue-grey slivers of moonlight revealed his features.  
“Cas?” Dean rubbed his eyes, still not quite used to the dark. “Where were you?”  
Castiel stepped forward. The floorboards creaked a little when they moved under his feet.  
“Alaska.” He responded.  
“Al….what? Alaska? Why were-“  
“That is not of import, Dean.” Castiel moved closer and sat on the foot of Dean’s bed. “I’m here because you deserve to know.”  
“Know what?” Dean sat up on his elbow. He heard the angel let out a tired breath.  
“If I do anything, it will be my end. I will be useless.”  
“Cas, what are you talking about?”  
“I can’t feel, Dean. I’m not supposed to have these…emotions. Not me.”  
“I didn’t think angels had emotions.” Dean sat up fully, now sitting on the edge of his bed. He rubbed his neck. It was sore from looking down at the books all day.  
“We don’t. Well, we aren’t supposed to. Angels don’t have feelings or emotions, and those that do…” Castiel stopped short. He breathed out heavily again, twisting around to be able to see Dean. Dean returned his gaze. The moonlight caught Cas’s eyes in just the right way so that Dean noticed the distinct gleam of tears about to release.  
“And those that do….what?” Dean asked.  
“They fall.” Castiel replied finally, one single tear dropping from his eye. He hid his face.  
Dean was beginning to understand now. He sat down closer to Castiel. He opened up his arm to pat the angel on the back, a friendly gesture of support, but Cas had other ideas. He wrapped his arms around Dean and buried his face into his chest. Dean let his arm fall onto Cas’s back to gently cradle him close.  
Dean could feel the cool night air on his chest where it had become wet with tears. He had never seen Cas like this. He didn’t know Cas could be like this.  
“I’m so sorry, Dean.” Castiel said, words scratchy and broken.  
“For what?” Dean asked.  
“I’m so sorry. I… I tried to stop it. But I couldn’t…I…” Castiel stopped for a moment, taking a choppy, tearful breath. “…I couldn’t.” He squeezed out, barely audible.  
“Stop what? Cas, whoa whoa, stop what?” Dean was genuinely concerned.  
“I feel. I can feel, Dean. I’m becoming human.” Castiel hugged Dean harder as more tears fell. Even if Dean wasn’t entirely sure of all of the details of what was happening, he knew Castiel was upset. He knew to hug him back just as tightly.  
Dean found himself pulling the angel close, wrapping him in his arms. He stroked his hand through Castiel’s hair therapeutically, whispering, “Shhh, Cas. It’s alright. It’s alright.”  
“No, it’s not.” Castiel responded. “It’s not alright, Dean. I’ll be useless. If I’m not an angel, I can’t help you. Who wants a powerless fallen angel?” Castiel cried.  
“Cas, stop.” Dean said. He pulled back and held Cas at arm’s length. He looked right into the angel’s eyes and told him, “You would never be some “useless fallen angel” to us. And there won’t be any falling angels in the first place, alright?” Cas looked away, another tear dropping.  
“It’s too late. I’m much too far down the path… I’m sorry.” Castiel repeated his apology a number of times between sobbing breaths. Dean didn’t know what to do. His heart was breaking. He couldn’t stand to see him this way.  
Dean reached out and placed his hand beneath Cas’s chin. He lifted his face so he could see his eyes. “Cas, I’ve told you before. I don’t care what happens. I’d rather have you here, no matter what.”  
Castiel closed his eyes, placing his own hand over Dean’s. The beginnings of a tender smile peeked through his sadness. He looked up at Dean as he stroked his thumb over the back of Dean’s hand. “Thank you.”  
Dean paused for a moment. Here he was, comforting an Angel of the Lord, who right now seemed so much closer to human than angel. He wiped away a lingering tear on Castiel’s cheek with his other hand. “Yeah. Not a problem, Cas...” Dean didn’t really know what else to say. But that little bit seemed to comfort Castiel more than enough. He again dove into Dean’s arms, knocking him over onto the bed. He snuggled into Dean’s neck and clutched onto him like a teddy bear. Dean rested his chin on Castiel’s head, wrapping his arms around the angel in a gentle embrace. He was worried for him, empathized with Castiel’s fear. But then again, he was just glad he was here, right now. He would rather have him either way. A smile crossed Dean’s face as he drifted again into slumber, the angel in his arms. This angel may fall, but he would also still be in Dean’s embrace when sunlight rose, and right now, that’s all that mattered.


End file.
